Day 40

Holy Week is the last week of Lent.
Holy Week observances began in Jerusalem in the earliest days of the Church, when devout people traveled to Jerusalem at Passover to reenact the events of the week leading up to the Resurrection.
Egeria was a Christian who traveled widely during the period of 381-385 and wrote about Christian customs and observances in Egypt, Palestine, and Asia Minor. She described how religious tourists to Jerusalem reenacted the events of Holy Week. On Palm Sunday afternoon, the crowds waved palm fronds as they made a procession from the Mount of Olives into the city. Of course, the observances must have begun quite a number of years before Egeria witnessed them, or they wouldn’t have been so elaborate. It’s just that Egeria’s description is the earliest we still have. The tourists took the customs home with them. Holy week observances spread to Spain by the fifth century, to Gaul and England by the early seventh century. They didn’t spread to Rome until the twelfth century.
The purpose of Holy Week is to reenact, relive, and participate in the passion of Jesus Christ. See Honest to God for an explanation of what we accomplish by doing this.
Holy Week is the same in the eastern and western Church, but because eastern Christians use the Julian Calendar to calculate Easter, the celebrations occur at different times. However, the following events in the week before Easter are the same, east and west, relative to the date of Easter:

• Palm Sunday (or Passion Sunday), the entrance of Jesus into Jerusalem.
• Holy Thursday (or Maundy Thursday), the institution of Communion and the betrayal by Judas.
• Good Friday, the arrest, trial, crucifixion, death, and burial of Jesus Christ.
• Holy Saturday, the Sabbath on which Jesus rested in the grave.

Well the 40 days conclude today and I have just 3 more to go until the blessed event.
Today in a pinch I drank tap water and let me tell you there are a lot of chemicals in our water. I guess I will have to remain a snotty wanta be rich girl and drink my filtered water. It just taste a little bit better.

Day 39

<sup>John  13:1-11


1</sup>It was just before the Passover Feast. Jesus knew that the time had come for him to leave this world and go to the Father. Having loved his own who were in the world, he now showed them the full extent of his love.^[a]
 2The evening meal was being served, and the devil had already prompted Judas Iscariot, son of Simon, to betray Jesus. ³Jesus knew that the Father had put all things under his power, and that he had come from God and was returning to God; ⁴so he got up from the meal, took off his outer clothing, and wrapped a towel around his waist. ⁵After that, he poured water into a basin and began to wash his disciples' feet, drying them with the towel that was wrapped around him.
 ⁶He came to Simon Peter, who said to him, "Lord, are you going to wash my feet?"
 ⁷Jesus replied, "You do not realize now what I am doing, but later you will understand."
 ⁸"No," said Peter, "you shall never wash my feet."
      Jesus answered, "Unless I wash you, you have no part with me."
 ⁹"Then, Lord," Simon Peter replied, "not just my feet but my hands and my head as well!"
 ¹⁰Jesus answered, "A person who has had a bath needs only to wash his feet; his whole body is clean. And you are clean, though not every one of you." ¹¹For he knew who was going to betray him, and that was why he said not every one was clean.


Oh but to see the full extent of His love. Don't you want that?  I do. I  under stand Peter here at this moment. To him this was NOT something Jesus should be doing and he just said what everyone else was thinking, but do you see how quickly he changes once Jesus explains the reason for the washing of the feet. I love this "Not just my feet Lord but my hands and head as well." 
I understand what "clean is here"but don't you get what Peter is saying " Lord I want all that you can give me.
Peter is a full throttle kind of a guy. He gets himself right in the middle of messes all the time.  You either understand him or you don't. Peter gets it. Peter knows who his only Hope is. 

Day 38

The Holy week has begun and the Sacrifice has been made. I will go through this week with as little about me as I can. This week is about the greatest story ever lived. I Feel this action of Love to the very core of my person  and I will not ruin it for you by putting me in the center of it. The story speaks for itself and I will speak the truth as I know it to be. 

I wish that I could despise the passover crowds from this story,but I can't. I think they are stupid but when the truth is told I am sure that I would have been right there that day and then when they called for Jesus' death. I think most Christian's fight the battle of I would not have done that to Jesus, but we did. Our sin past, present and future where there calling for His death. The Jewish leaders can not be blamed for it all just as the Roman leaders  can't be absolved of all guilt. So what that Pilot washed his hands did he not give the people what they wanted. Yes he did. Didn't the Jewish leaders know the history that was being fulfilled. Sure they did, but this man was to simple, plain, ordinary, and so not what they were looking for.

A King  not rule on earth but rule over all. Jesus chose to do as the Father asked.

Day 36 and 37

Have you ever just needed a good cry? Well I think that is just what I need. These last 2 weeks I have been so weepy and I have not been able to just cry. I don't want to cry every day just one good cry will take care of it.
Today for instance They showed some clips from the Passion and I could feel the gush of tears coming, but nope just little pools of tears sitting on the edge, not even enough to wipe. Sad! One should be able to cry when she sees the crucifixion of the Lord. I mean come on is there anything more moving than to know that Jesus was separated from his father and died for us, and this was all planed before the foundation of the world. I don't think so. Where are the tears and why won't they come?


On to the "dark side."   I have come up the a very weird and unexplained desire to curse. I know that I look like a women who curses on a regular bases but I quit cussing back in Jr high. But now I feel the need to add @##$$)*()#(#  when I am talking. Of course I don't but I sure want to.

Here is what we know so far about the fast. It has been like a deep nasty pimple you get right before prom. It will pop but it just keeps refilling with more gunk. It has to be treated.   Will it leave a scar most likely, but was there any other choice?  Not really because Prom is just a few days away and you Can Not go to prom with a zit!

If you don't know know what to do with this blog  that's fine just file it under; A weepy warped Wendy. Take heart  and know that when you go through this someone understands, and if anyone asks you what in the world is wrong with Wendy just tell them " Oh it is just so heart braking she has "adult on set Turrets Syndrome" they are hoping it is temporary"

 May you get a blessing today because I know for sure you didn't get it from this blog!

Day 35

Traveling on the Fast is a thrill.  All I am going to say is You have to be prepared! Bring your own food if you can and accept what you can not change. Eat at Wendy's they have plan potatoes and salad.  I found an all natural no sugar added fruit drink at a QT they also had fresh fruit that looked  good but I had already eaten a banana. They zoo let you bring in your own food so that would not have been a problem.
Not real sure what I would have done if would have been along trip but I assume creative eating would have been involved and a few embarrassing moments for the kids. "Yes may I have that chicken salad with no chicken,cheese, eggs or dressing and please send me the chicken and veggies with no chicken and fun stuff on the veggies just plain will be fine." Can't you just see my family melt into a puddle under the table. Yep, I would win that game of last man standing ;)

Look into the places you will be going and see what is allowed. It is much easier to stay home and fix your own. But lets face it you can not spend your entire fast in a bubble. Oh you can try, but life is not lived in a bubble and neither therefore can your fast.

There is one thing I really love and find very funny.  God has put in an override on my brain and it does not bother me in lest to sit holding a bag of burger and fries and a bag full of cheesecake from the Cheesecake Factory at my feet. I couldn't even smell them. I did look at them and they looked nice, but ok they were just cheesecakes. No biggie, not my power but His.

My favorite thing that happened on the way home today was when I asked Brandon,who gave up pizza for lent, what if we call in Guido's pizza on a way home. His response "Yeah that would be great it doesn't bother me if they eat Pizza"  LOVE IT !!!! Proud momma 

Day 34

Is there anything more refreshing for ones soul than to sit and chat with a girl friend. The only down side was the visit was to short to catch up on 3 months of spiritual growth and girl chat.

I write this with the wonder of what is to come both long and short term of this fast. I am praying that life does not go back to the old norm. I have begun to have a more constant quite time and I know when I have not  had it nor have enough of it.
This verse says it all;  Proverbs 25 ²⁸ Like a city whose walls are broken down  is a man who lacks self-control.

As the fast is beginning wind down I want to share some of the AH Ha moments I have had.
  Self- control is very important but giving yourself over into God's hand is most important.  A fast can not be done in my own power. If it were in my own power I would have consumed all of my families food and smiled while doing it.
Being humbled is painful (sometimes the picking up is not much better). There is hope that being brought low will draw you closer to God. 

day 33

If this day were to have happened at any other time my might seek medical add for bipolar disorder. But I think unreleased stress, post hormonal let down and Spring break melt down all came into the perfect storm of crazy momma gonna flip out. If there were ever a day that might have deserved a chocolate treat it was today. I believe that I will have a fruit salad and call it a day.

I Pressed on and walked through the valley of the shadow of near death(theirs not mine). Is it Monday yet?

day 32

I am pretty sure that having children home for spring break makes me hungry. I have be starved all day. New lesson avoid stress and spring brake for next fast. SO I guess I will be living in a bubble if I do this again.

days 30 and 31

Saturday
My brother and his family came into town and it was really good to see them.

However we had to deal with the going out to eat thing, which in it's self is not hard except that I have not told my mother that I am fasting. She would not get it! You should have see her eyes light up when she herd I gave up sweets. You could almost hear the "Thank the Lord she's going on a diet" she was shouting in her head. There are many times when all you can do with her is just go on and trust me I have just gone on a lot.
But at last it started snowing and we went home, so another bullet was dodged.

Sunday
Well today  for the first time in 30 days I let someone else cook my food.I got a veggie lo main I do not want to know all that was in it.   Oh I was so excited to not have to cook my own food but the heavy feeling 2 hours later is not worth it.  I can tell you for sure that going back to real food is not going to be as easy as I have longed and dreamed about. I think that I will have to just remain a sniffer and nibbler for the rest of my life.   So there you have it take out not so good for tummy.

Day 29

Well you would think that the democrats would have already passed a law to prohibit a person from having 2 stinky weeks in a row. You know life, liberty and the pursuit of selfishness.


Have you ever felt that your life was a sad narrative straight out of of a book. As you read you think to yourself are these morons really going to do this, they aren't thinking. And yet they do and it makes there life very very miserable.
 
Well you are reading about the poster child for stupid thinking. It is truly amazing that a person who claims to be a follower of Christ can not and most likely refused to take captive every thought and went headlong into stupid and destructive self talk. Did it help anything NOPE! it did not, it did more harm than good.


 So, Next week will be more prayerful and less stupid. There are apx. 2 weeks left on the fast and there is a growing feeling, I will not say fear because that's not what it is, that my food life post fast will be a failure. I do not want to go back to eating the way that I was. Life is harder and but at the same time it feels better and more successful.

Day 27

I had a funny thought yesterday in regards to food, I think I am  a lot like Scarlett O'Hara  "tomorrow is another day." So true,but another day of cookies and fatty stuff adds up to lots of another days. I think you have to come to a conclusion that yes tomorrow is a new day but you still have to pay yesterdays bills.

Yesterdays Proverbs 16
  ³ Commit to the LORD whatever you do, and your plans will succeed.

 ¹⁶ How much better to get wisdom than gold,
       to choose understanding rather than silver!
 ¹⁷ The highway of the upright avoids evil;
       he who guards his way guards his life.
 ¹⁸ Pride goes before destruction,
       a haughty spirit before a fall.
 ¹⁹ Better to be lowly in spirit and among the oppressed
       than to share plunder with the proud.
 ²⁰ Whoever gives heed to instruction prospers,
       and blessed is he who trusts in the LORD.
 ²¹ The wise in heart are called discerning,
       and pleasant words promote instruction. ^[a]
 22 Understanding is a fountain of life to those who have it,
       but folly brings punishment to fools.
 ²³ A wise man's heart guides his mouth,
       and his lips promote instruction. ^[b]
 24 Pleasant words are a honeycomb,
       sweet to the soul and healing to the bones.
 ²⁵ There is a way that seems right to a man,
       but in the end it leads to death.
 ²⁶ The laborer's appetite works for him;
       his hunger drives him on.

Day 26

Lunch
Another lesson learned: soy milk and soy cheese does not a good mac and cheese make. Still not near as bad as the oatmeal but yuck. I will not try this mess again.


On a other note it has been 5 days since I last weighted and I have now lost 20 lbs on the fast but more importantly I have gained a new way to look at food.

Day 24

The shadows. The Darkness. Tenebrae!  My favorite pre Easter celebration. In one hour you go through the last week of Jesus life.  It is a very emotional service and brings many things into focus, My salvation was gained only through His death. A death that His Father could not look upon.
Grief,Sadness and JoY all in one moment. WOW

Days 22-23

These past few days have been pitiful, aggravating,infuriating  and frankly almost impossible to take the control of the mind and heart. Fighting those old demons of   anger, fear and doubt. It is so disheartening to truly believe you have conquered stuff only to have it  to rear it's ugly head when you lest expect and or want it.

To say focused on God and to let him lead the healing has not gone well for me. The battle field has been the mind and I have never been able to turn it off.  I am sure that some day I am going to wish to have my mind back but for this past week I really have wished it would leave me.  I will pick up the pieces that is this sorry week and move on to the next.

I will : 1 Peter 1:13
Wherefore girding up the loins of your mind, be sober and set your hope perfectly on the grace that is to be brought unto you at the revelation of Jesus Christ; (ASB)

Therefore, prepare your minds for action; be self-controlled; set your hope fully on the grace to be given you when Jesus Christ is revealed. (NIV)


Wherefore gird up the loins of your mind, be sober, and hope to the end for the grace that is to be brought unto you at the revelation of Jesus Christ; (KJ)

Amen

Day 21

If I were on the normal 21 day Daniel  fast today would be my last day, but I have 19 more days to go.

Change of plans
I was so struck by my emptiness of  Sunday's nonspiritual no food fast, that I have wondered what it would be like to be on a spiritual no food fast and to have that emptiness fill in with God.  I know with out a doubt  that I am to do a no food fast for three days. I feel the call to be broken and humbled before the LORD.
Although I am already on a fast I feel that 2 specific areas of my life need more concentrated prayer and that this fast needs to be done so that I am completely humbled and ready to hear what God has to say. 

Oh the anticipation!

Day 20

Baught a book on fasting and I have found it very interesting. The author brings up some very good points for fasting, like we as believers are called to fast and satan hates it when we fast. I really liked his chapter on conquering king stomach.   However I am a little concerned with the emphasis on "prosperity."
I know that when you pray you should  pray with the expectation that your prayers are answered. But should we really go into a fast thinking we are going to Get the extra goodies like money, houses,cars from God when the fast is over?  I just can't make myself believe that is the it is supposed to happen. May be I am not embracing  James 4:2 you have not because you ask not. The author seems to believe that there are long term and far reaching effects of a fast, these are God rewards for being obedient.

I prayerfully will wait  and see what comes of my fast.

Day 19

Today's 1st topic: Lessons Learned

1. I how know why people have so much space for God to fill up when they are on a water only fast. There is nothing else in there.
2. Never eat trail mix(nuts) on a totally fasted stomach.  I am talkin til ta world and on a school bus to boot. I was praying a lot!
3. Water only Fasting makes one weepy. If it has to go somewhere I guess out the eyes is as good as any place.
4. One can lose 6 pounds over night on a H2O Fast.
5. As horrible as it sounds you can lose the desire to eat.

Tonight I ate like a queen. A hamburger smoothered in mushrooms,onion and cheese and French Fries.
Oh Man.

Do not  fear the burger wasn't a real burger and the cheese wasn't real cheese. Oy for Soy ! The burger was ok, the cheese was ha hum  let's just say it was there to give the patty color.

Loved the recipe on the cheese.
Mac and cheese
Stir cheese and Soy milk into cooked pasta.
yummy! and the sad thing this is my first thought is "Oh I could so put this over some Whole Wheat noodles and have mac and cheese."
How far the mighty have fallen

 2nd Topic: Well shut my mouth!
Did you know that God shut Ezekiel mouth.  Ezekiel could only speak when God opened his mouth and  spoke for him.

How I wish God would shut my mouth, and only open it when it needs to be opened.
Ezekiel 3:26-27

    ²⁶ I will make your tongue stick to the roof of your mouth so that you will be silent and unable to rebuke them, though they are a rebellious house. ²⁷ But when I speak to you, I will open your mouth and you shall say to them, 'This is what the Sovereign LORD says.' Whoever will listen let him listen, and whoever will refuse let him refuse; for they are a rebellious house.

Day 18

For no particular spiritual reason I have fasted form everything but water today. I just wasn't hungry and then it sorta became "I wonder if I could do with out food today"  and I did. I am very surprised that it wasn't a big deal. Guess the Lesson will be revealed later.

 One thing I know is this: I learned that I have more self-control than I thought. Would have to assume that the mule in me can come out in the more important things and not just the petty.

Morning of day 17

Today is my 17 wedding anniversary. The road has had lots of hills and curves. Is there anything more fun than going 200mph on a bicycle built for 2? I think not.

What an anniversary  NO good food,  sick kid even though he is feeling better, early morning trip for Jason to OK to drop off Kathryn for the BLAST retreat and a B-ball game @ 2 that Brandon won't be playing in. Sounds like fun.

Day 16

Brandon asked  "Mom  how long we had been on Lent? Like a month?" Nope son you have been on Lent for 16 days. "Really I think it has been a month."  I guess these past few days have been really hard without his pizza.

Today I got to make up for lost sleep and slept all the way through lunch. I ate twice today breakfast and supper and life was good.

Look forward to Easter. It is my favorite holiday. I am always weepy during this time of get sorrow. Life gets a new perspective. LOVE IT!!

Day 15

Today was very interesting. After 2 days of "starving to death" I was not really hungry.

Food was not the focus today.

Brandon got sick and was in great pain for several hours throwing up many many times. He was very upset that he was sick and could not understand why he was the one to be sick (me either he his a pain when he is sick and he missed the toilet every time which makes momma mad). In the middle of the pain he looks at me " Momma I have prayed and prayed and the pain won't go away." Teaching moment at 2am you have got to be kidding me.

God does not promise no pain only that He will be with us while we endure the pain. That is a ruff lesson to learn in the middle of the night or  anytime.

Day 14

If yesterday was a " bump the wall moment" than today was like driving 90 mph  with the brakes going out and a sharp turn leading  the I need meat hi-way. I wanted to have some meat and just about any meat would do.
These past two days have been a little embarrassing  for me.

I wish I understood  why 14 days into this thing I would start craving stuff I had detoxed from already.  Honestly,these past two days have been a little embarrassing  for me. Where is my faith? Why am I not strong enough to keep these desire at bay?

The challenge of this fast was to, Wait for it, wait  for it......  to give all my stuff to God and let Him work things out and learn what He wanted me to learn. Today I learned that my weakness comes in the form of my arrogance.  Arrogance of success, I have not longed for a great many things since the "I love Sugar" let down. I like veggies and veggies like me so the trial has not been that bad, and I had to face I got a little full of my ability to endure the challenge.

These past two days where not moments I wanted to go through because I was sure that I was past this temptation. I am not above temptation! As a matter of fact facing temptation is the only thing that brings change. Standing up to temptation brings Strength.  my Strength comes from the LORD. He is my strength and He hides me in the cliffs of His love.

Day 13

Well folks I bumped the wall tonight.  I had good supper I ate all that I could but by 9 I was So hungry. I wanted a bowl of cereal full to the rim with milk.Oh cold glorious milk and sugar I could just taste it. Then as I walked by the trash can I got a whiff of the double cheese burger that Jason had for supper and got a little weak in the knees.

Yep this is the moment! To pass or fail, sink or swim. So I took my thoughts captive, gave my self a good talking to, had a few nuts and drank 2 mugs of Hot water waited for the clothes to wash then I went to bed.


Be on guard, passions and desires are deeply rooted. They can be mastered but not if they are given free reign over your life.

Trust in the LORD with all your heart
       and lean not on your own understanding;
 ⁶ in all your ways acknowledge him,
       and he will make your paths straight. ^[a]
Proverbs 3:5-6

Day 12

Have you ever had one of those days where you just don't need and or want to talk? Today was one of those days. I was not mad at anyone, nothing made overly irritated, I wasn't pouting about not getting my way. I simply did not need to talk. I did spend a great deal of time thinking about Sunday's lesson of Jesus at the temple.  That lesson really moved my thoughts to God's glory and me being His temple. Great lesson.

One has to feel sorry for a husband on those days, Jason asked me 2-3 time if I was okay, if I was upset about anything or was I mad at him. By the third time I wanted to go to the bathroom and look to see if I had my mad face on. One has to assume that my mood looked more like moodyness than " I am just have a quite day today".  It was funny though to see what a quite day does to those around you.  I  have be very reflective and growing in Christ because " I did not go there". I have however gone there many time before  in heart and mind.. I have often wanted to do this even dreamed about doing these thing:

1.  I would just looked at Jason and said "you figure it out" Now that would  be funny not nice but funny.
2.Print out a sign to ware around my neck that says "Warning I  just feel quite today I am fine an I love you I simply don't feel the need to say much today. No I am not mad, ticked off or other wise upset, but  if you keep asking me  if I am okay I will become mad, ticked off or otherwise upset."

3.And just to keep him off balance show him the "The man's guide book to a long and happy marriage"  page 1 with wives everything is subject to change so just to be safe you should make supper and then rub her feet.

Yes Friends I have gone there in my mind but I did not go there today so there is Hope. Hope for a future that is less about me.